Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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