went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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