you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
