im six kinds of drunk right now
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We talked him into tasing himself.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
