your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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