WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
