totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
