My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
