And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
