goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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