My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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