At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
