There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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