i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
