he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
