Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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