I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
