just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
