you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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