I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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