3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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