the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
