What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
