The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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