i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
