We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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