i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize