I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
