And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
