Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I need to stop coming to work sober
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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