On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
