He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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