I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We're not piercing ourselves today.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
