She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
