Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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