He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
