How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
