I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
