Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
