she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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