he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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