Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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