and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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