This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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