Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have aggressive nipples.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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