you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
