I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
