i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
