I'm jealous of your bromance
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
my liver is dry heaving
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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