If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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