Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
