I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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