There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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