Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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