I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
