I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
