Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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