and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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