I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
