you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
