At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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