dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We need to get me chipped asap
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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