my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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