he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
