I smell stomach acid.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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