I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize