So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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