there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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