how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
