thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
