so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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