It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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