i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
