True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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