Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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