it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
