Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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